Hello Bloggerbeans,

I haven't done a book review in a very long time due to starting books and not finishing them as they haven't really kept me wanting to read on which is a shame. This was until this Christmas when I purchased Binge by Tyler Oakley. I got through it in 4 days and was left given a new perspective on Tyler and the life of being a Vlogger trying to separate who they are offline and online. 

A lot of people would probably just assume that this is 'Just another YouTube book' and would have to disagree completely with them as its a lot more than that. Tyler shares some really personal anecdotes and stories which has really opened my eyes to sometimes how fabricated the internet can be with the temptation to add only the good highlights and leave out the flawed human that we all are which makes mistakes time to time and has personal struggles. Sometimes by having such a positive online presence people can forget that you don't always have the positive mindset and do have your own problems on your metaphorical plate. Sometimes its good to be honest and raw which Tyler is in this book which I really applaud him for doing as through being so open in his life experiences I think it will help a lot of his audience if they are going through similair circumstances.

The part which really hit home for me was one of the last chapters of the book called 'Unhappiest Birthday' when Tyler talks about a fan convention getting too much and experiencing a panic attack in the middle of his hotel room on his birthday, The fact he felt so trapped about life and having for the last 7 years of his life been put online to then feel like after a weekend of panels and meetups that he was being treated "like a selfie prop or collectible souvenir, not a human" made me feel really upset to think what conventions are turning into as people sometimes forget that Creators are complex human beings like all of us with thoughts and feelings. Their persona online is only a small part of them and isn't the whole of them and I think this is important to understand. Tyler then talks about feeling so drained after a panic attack that he then tried to force himself to go to the YouTube party however being on his birthday, acquaintances of him kept coming up to him and saying 'don't go anywhere birthday boy, because its almost time" making him feel so claustrophobic at the thought of all the attention being on him that he managed to find Hannah Hart and escape heading back to his hotel to spend the night in his pj's. When reading this chapter I completely understood the thought process and feelings Tyler had felt that day as I have had moments when my anxiety gets hyped so high and triggered that full blown confrontation or the feeling that everyone is watching me makes me feel exactly the way Tyler did.

Going through the motions of a panic attack and having absolutely no control over whats happening to your body is so scary and in the aftermath leaves you feeling so broken, vulnerable and drained. If you've never experienced one its kind of like your vision is all distorted as you zone out and see things that not normally would affect you but everyone talking and interacting around becomes a lot louder with your senses heighten until everything becomes so unbearably loud as you struggle for breath through the tears. Its as if you are in the ocean drowning flipping from being underwater and everything muffled to being above gasping for air and everything being so noisy until the wave crashes and your left in silence by the aftermath. Its something no-one should ever have to experience and I really have a new found appreciation for Tyler and him being so honest.

 I think we can all take a lesson from Tyler's book after reading it and that is to be the purest and most honest version of yourself as bottling things up doesn't do any good and just leaves you being the broken one. Until next time,

Toodlepip x

Hello Bloggerbeans,

Last Saturday I spent with family shopping down Southend high street in this little casual look which I absolutely loved and wanted to share with you if you need inspiration on what to wear when getting coffee with friends or wearing to college. Hope you enjoy!

Rollerlash Mascara - I'l be talking about this more in my recent makeup favourites however I have fallen head over heels for this mascara with how long and intense your eyelashes look. When I first tried this Mascara out I prayed to god that the hype was worth it and to my relief it totally was. It is a tad expensive however being the first high end makeup product I have owned, It was worth every penny.

Collection Lasting Colour Lipstick in Amethyst Shine - I love the subtleness of the colour as with winter ending soon I want to get my final fix on a red lip before transitioning to pink lipsticks and gloss. I am really excited for winter to be ending however am going to miss wearing dark red sultry lipstick until Autumn

Peter Pan collared stripy top (Primark)  - Stripes are all in Fashion right now and this top added with the collar gives a touch of sophistication to the overall outfit look showing that you can dress casually yet still look fabulous as ever.

New Look high Waisted blue denim jeans - Comfy and practical for whatever the day throws at you. These jeans are super stretchy so if lunch leaves you with a food baby you are covered!

Small brown satchel (Primark) - This Bag is big enough to fit all your handbag essentials into it (Makeup, Water bottle, Tissues etc) however small enough not to overshadow your outfit look. Its perfect for just packing the night before and then grabbing just as you walk out the door to complete your look.

That's it for today. I plan on doing more fashion posts in the future so look forward to more in the future. Until then,

Toodlepip x

Hello Bloggerbeans,

I finally took the plunge and got my long locks cut into a more manageable length and let's just say I am obsessed with my new look! Along with having it cut I had a full head of highlights to brighten my dark blonde hair as I felt it needed a little more colour in it. If you know me personally then you will know (or not) that I hate letting someone else have utter control over my hair, especially when they intend actually cutting it. Just the thought makes my anxiety in the pit of my stomach do a quadruple somersault which says something. I think its the fact of having such a bad experience with hairdressers who you ask specifically for one thing and then they give you something that looks nothing like the reference picture. I have had many bad haircuts from the waaay to short fringes all the way to asking for it to be all one length and them without telling me cutting it really short at the back and long at the sides which was horrendous to grow out. With these past experiences, which I have now just put behind me, I tried to go in with a open mind as after not going to one for over a year I couldn't hide from getting my haircut anymore as it was in need of emergency TLC! 

The place I went to was called Jas Hair and having gone their before for an up-do for prom, felt comfortable in trusting them with my unruly golden locks. The minute I walked in I was put at ease with the friendly receptionist and then greeted by my colourist and stylist who were both lovely and took everything I asked and wanted in mind along with telling me at each stage what they were doing helping to put my mind at ease. Along with that they offered refreshments and magazines to have a flick through which I thought was such a lovely touch. I felt like a goddess being pampered hair wise and having relaxing me time which I never normally let myself have. The whole time I felt like I wasn't judged at all for anything which is a weird thing to say however when you suffer from trichotillimania and have old bald patches growing out, it made me feel very happy as I was scared that when highlighting and cutting that I may be asked about it however nobody bat an eyelid to my relief. I'm so proud of myself of conquering the world of haircuts and will definitely be going back to my new hairdressers for bringing so much life and body into it including a whole tonne of self confidence. No amount of thank you's could ever make up for my new hair. Katy 1, Anxiety and Panic attacks 0.

Toodlepip x

Lush Beautiful Shower Gel

Hello Bloggerbeans,

I am a huge Lush fanatic so when my amazing friend and all round amazing pal Katie brought me heaven in a bag (Lush and Candles) I was so giddy with joy! She is such a good egg to me and I could not thank her enough. Most of the things were Christmas exclusive which does leave my heart heavy writing that little phrase as their Christmas exclusive range is always quite possibly the best time to be in Lush with their Snow Fairy Shower Gel bottles in the thousands everywhere milling around the store however nestled in between the Golden Wonder bath bomb and Candy Mountain bubble bar was the Beautiful Shower Gel which you can still get to my relief of loving it so much! This is just the little January pick me up I needed and like it says on the bottle it makes you feel refreshed and ready to face the day. I love the fact that its a bright yellow colour as just looking at the bottle makes me feel a little happier. Their have been days when I needed to shower and have woken up feeling like miss grumpy gills until I have used my little bottle of happiness scented with apricot and peaches and became 100% more optimistic about the day. It is that freaking good it even makes me not hate mornings as much as I usually do and if a Shower Gel can do that then the little flecks of gold glimmer must be possessing some magical powers to change my whole perspective on something so huge like my morning moan. This small 100g bottle is a perfect travel size and for something small seems a little pricey at £4.95 however you only need the smallest blob to lather up incredibly well on a flannel or shower loofah. If this little quote from the Lush website doesn't make you want to grab your hands on some of this pure sunny liquid gold I don't know what will:

'If you feel anything less than a vision of loveliness in the morning, this peachy keen shower gel is the one for you'

Just that one quote sums up nicely how I feel about this wondrous and true to its name, beautiful shower gel.

Toodlepip x

Hello Bloggerbeans,

I am in a love hate relationship with January at the moment. On the one hand I am loving having a fresh start and the crisp coldness of the weather however on the flip-side I just want summer to come so I can wear all my lovely new dresses and enjoy the late summer nights with friends and loved ones. I feel I need a little more focus on all things life related at the moment. I need to really start to pay attention to life itself and be a little more organised college wise. I have got into the terrible habit of procrastinating at any moment and just not getting anything done which needs to change. 

At the start of this month I said I wanted to be more active with my blog yet 2 weeks in I forget Mondays upload as I was stuck for ideas and couldn't take photos due to my camera being ironically out of focus just like me. I feel I am in a little bubble twinged with tiredness which I need to burst. Its one of those feelings I get every winter which is why I can't wait for Summer to role around and everything to be a little bit more brighter. Winters novelty has definitely warn off of me!

Starting from today I want to be more motivated which means music on, tea in one hand and a mindset of getting sh*t done. I need to focus on getting through the next couple of weeks when things will be brighter and better. Next weeks planned post is hair related as I am planning on getting my long locks cut off into a more manageable long ombred lob which i'm excited for as I think it is just what I need to cheer me up. Be sure to tell me down below what is keeping you going through January and we can all help each other get through the next couple of gloomy weather weeks

Toodlepip x

Today's post is going to get a little real for a second. Ever since I was little I have always struggled with body confidence and weight issues and have experienced being overweight and compulsive snacking all the way to the other end of the scale and restricting food and having anorexic tendencies such as to go a long time without eating. These extremes are completely unhealthy and toxic to have which is why putting fitness first and eating healthy has been a huge mantra for me ever since January 2014 when I had enough of family members commenting on my weight and being bullied for it that I decided to weigh myself and weighed in at just over 12 stone and fit into size 14-16 clothes. That may not seem like a figure which would be classed as 'overweight' however being naturally small in height my bmi clearly defined me as overweight veering obese. I didn't want to believe what the scales told me but that was the moment I realized I needed to change for the better. with my body confidence as low as the bottom of the ocean, I took it upon myself to change everything. I NEVER want to be back in that position ever again however it took 6 months of controlled calorie counting with no snacking and hourly sessions twice a week at a local gym to put me back at a healthy weight of just under 10 stone. What got me through it all was buying nice clothes to flatter my figure and a pair of shorts which before march 2014, would had never of worn as I hated my body so much to the point where I only wore leggings and tops.

 I used to be so healthy up until 2013 however with a sudden influx of depression and anxiety caused by personal things that were happening in my life, comfort eating became a habit which was hard to stop. It took a lot of brute force to take responsibility for how much I weighed and it was ages before I admitted to myself that I needed to do something about it. When you are overweight you become stuck in the mindset of being so low about your body confidence which leads you to comfort eat and then put on weight which makes you low about your body confidence and so forth. This constant loop is hard to break but can be done. You have to be so strict with yourself about everything and think about your end goal which was for me to wear those size 12 shorts on holiday to Tossa de Mar. Around March was when I reached my end goal however for 3 months afterwards I carried on going to gym and eating healthy but was a little more relaxed with things. To this day I am still mindful of my health and how I am treating my body.

Hello Bloggerbeans,

The new year is now upon us and I feel fully refreshed and ready for one awesome year of blogging. I thought today I would do a January Essentials post on all the bits and pieces that I will be using/wearing/reading to get me through this month. These type of posts are similar to my Monthly favourites however with the added benefit of being able to use my favourites (now essentials) during the Month instead of having to wait till the end of the month when some items may not be ideal to use now (season changes etc.). With this disadvantage to Monthly favourites I came up with this style of posts where if you are inspired to purchase something I recommend, you can use at the same time as I do. I have no idea why I didn't think of this before. Onto this Months essentials!

Slipper Socks £3 from Primark - Being January and it being cold outside still, I always find my feet are the first place I need to keep warm so a thick pair of slipper socks is a must this month to keep my tootsies warm. My favourite thing about these Primark ones is that they are so fluffy and soft inside that my feet feel incredibly pampered and they have gripped soles so no more slippy stair accidents which is a major plus.

Cat jumper from H and M £5.99 - Over the last couple of months I have come to realize I was one of those people who was convinced I was a dog person when secretly all along without knowing it I was a cat person and with this wardrobe addition I feel like I have fully become the crazy cat lady that was within me (In a good  'Sprinkleofglitter' obsessed way I must add!). This material jumper will be perfect lounging around the house in or wearing outside with added layers. I feel incredibly tempted to wear it on one of my practical Theatre days. For under £10 it really is a fun piece of clothing to put a smile of your face to wear during a gloomy weather January.

Collection 7 day wear nail polish in Storm Grey £1.99 - This Metallic grey colour will subtly work well for work or college life and adds a little bit of shimmer to your everyday January look. 2016 is the year for me where I want to give nail polish another chance as I love having my nails painted, its just taking the time to treat myself and do them.

Sprinkle Of Glitters Diary £4 - This year I want to be as organised as I can be especially blog wise and with one of my favourite Youtubers Sprinkle Of Glitter releasing a Diary I couldn't help but purchase one and I am so glad I did. Compared to any other diary, Louise's is a lot more modern and interactive with the front pages being where you can fill out things such as things about you, your favourites including YouTube channels and bloggers and suggestive sentences to personalise the diary. Along with this there is either an inspiring quote, life tips or a little activity to harness your positivity and help make sure each week in 2016 is the best it can be. I absolutely love this idea as its a great pick me up for the week if your having a not so good week and will definitely be using my diary everywhere I go and for the price it is, all you Bloggerbeans should give it a go.

Girl Online On Tour by Zoe Sugg £6 - The Second Debut novel by the one and only Zoella. If you don't know who this marvelous woman is then you must have been living under a rock. With just over 9 million YouTube Subscribers, Zoe is taking the world by storm and in October 2015 released the sequel to her much loved Book Girl Online which I really loved and enjoyed reading. So when Zoe announced a second book I was thoroughly excited for it and now I have finally got my hands on one. If you want to read my review of Girl Online you can HERE as it is going to take me a little while before I review book number 2. Zoe's Book will definitely help ease me back in to reading this January and I very much look forward to a review in the next couple of weeks

Rimmel Lipstick in shade Starry Eyed £4.99 - This winter I became in love with red lipsticks with all the shades so with it now firmly in the last stages of winter, I wanted to have a dark lipstick to stick to this January and absolutely fell in love with this one when I brought it. I feel lipstick can really complete a look and definitely recommend Rimmel as a brand as their Lipsticks are very long lasting which is important for me as their lipsticks stay on even after drinking and eating.

Light Pink Woolly Snood from Primark £3 (Similar)  - Last on my essentials is a woolly snood to keep your neck warm during the final stages of Winter. I am a huge lover of scarfs and with it being winter decided to invest in a woolly one which I can wear to and from college. I also love the fact that it is in a subtle pink shade as it adds a hint of spring colour to my outfit as I really miss it being sunny and can't wait until spring is here.

Those are just a few things That I can't wait to use this month. Is there anything you would of put in my January essentials which I missed out? Be sure to tell me in the comments below. Stay tuned as there are more posts to come soon which I have spent lots of time on and I just can't wait for you all to see how much effort I have put into them. Until then,

Toodlepip x

2. Picking myself up and being resilient with Job searching - Halfway through 2015 I started to job search and out of many applications, 2 Job interviews... I still don't have a job *sigh*. The start of this month of January I am going to start the search which I stopped mid November and keep on hunting. I will be the first to tell you when I get a job, I just got to keep on swimming* (*Ten teenage points if you get this first blogpost reference!)

3. Be more open and willing to try new things - I want 2016 to be a year where I say yes to as many good things as possible and not to let my anxiety hold back as I can do it. its just believing in myself. If I see a crop top or bikini and like it I'm going to have the guts to try it on and perhaps even buy it. If I want to wear a certain shade of lipstick I will. I will perform to the best of my abilities in all aspects of my life, including my performing side of course. I will not hold back anymore and let society dictate what I can or can't do, wear or say anymore. If it makes me happy, so be it!

These are just a few things I want to try and achieve. I hope 2016 gets off to a good start Bloggerbeans and know that this year will be another year I will want to remember.

Toodlepip x